a. sometimes it is nice to have a significant other, because they can provide a social security.
b. feeling a little out of place lately, or perhaps, lacking that location (non-physical) of belonging.
c. i have been sneezing a lot today.
d. i haven't been sleeping well.
e. i somtimes want summer to end, so i don't have to work, but that is dumb, b/c if i wasn' t working, i still would be doing nothing. i want to start school so i can see people, but i haven't really seen people here and this may be the root of my despondentness. i wish i was better friends with some people and that some of my relationships didn't feel stagnet now. my goals for the summer were not really accomplished, so it goes. so i am just kinda here, right now. maybe you can help me change that.

lost and found.

I want to learn. Learning makes us better.

occasionally, like tonight, for example, i enjoy to be funny. I suppose this is subjective, but i enjoy repeating words or phrases, in tones that are tweaked in some manner. tonight the word was movie. i also drooled abit on my self, while shaking my head vigorously, as a result of this, aside from the projectile spittle, i got a headache. good night.

its hard to shake. how do i release myself from the anxiety of the financial qualms, or ponderances. consumption.

mon·ey Pronunciation Key (mn)
n. pl. mon·eys or mon·ies
A medium that can be exchanged for goods and services and is used as a measure of their values on the market, including among its forms a commodity such as gold, an officially issued coin or note, or a deposit in a checking account or other readily liquifiable account.
The official currency, coins, and negotiable paper notes issued by a government.
Assets and property considered in terms of monetary value; wealth.

Pecuniary profit or loss: He made money on the sale of his properties.
One's salary; pay: It was a terrible job, but the money was good.
An amount of cash or credit: raised the money for the new playground.
Sums of money, especially of a specified nature. Often used in the plural: state tax moneys; monies set aside for research and development.
A wealthy person, family, or group: to come from old money; to marry into money.



boring.

am i still fond of you?
it wavers,
what do I want?
the truth,
from me, for me
it is selfish, but this is 'real'
my osciliations are what keep me in check,
through the crests and troughs,
if you (we) rough it through,
what was once unstability,
will be the past that was true.

i want to be punk rock.

to be truthful and to be overtly mean can have similiar routes. one can be honest, but choose to omit things that do not have any positive qualities, but yet do not alter meanings, or leave something really missing if they are unsaid. some people say they are just brutally honest, whereas it appears to me they are just assholes with an excuse. these ideas make sense to me. so i would like to say everything i thought to people, but this concept is foreign and people may be freaked, as well as, it make me more of an ass and lastly i am not strong to do this all the time.

14 units of time have yet to calm me.
its the fear that feeds me, keeps me.
similar to a foreign forehead, i crouch.
at the uncertainity, the spontaintity.
i dont like to call it hiding, but it is.
i hide from the indulgence or want.
makes me think of you,
and what i want, but i don't really want it.
i think i do though.

yeah, i don't like regrets, so why have them.

wildy anticipating, oddly my pulse is fading.

i often set goals up for myself, that are rather quickly left to the wayside, or that is to say they are forgotten. sometimes, they are trivial, but all are to make me better somehow in my mind, if not in others too. i have never met anyone named whitney. so lately i have been feeling lame, not like a sick being, but boring, without passion, all around kind of blah. my friends are not very good at keeping conversations with me, or perhaps vice versa, so everything is blah, i find it harder at times to talk to my 'old' friends, as opposed to new, currently, i am not sure who's design this is, but its happening like this. and with other things, i guess sometimes the metaphorical spark is not presesnt, but does it need to be, this is also a quandry i have been dealing with as of late. then again maybe i am searching for something that does not need to be found, not to say that it is lost. i suppose if i discontinue saying that i am lame, then perhaps i won't be it to such an extent if at all, o por lo menos, no tendria estes sentimientos. sin emabargo, estoy contento, creo que si. so i think and this is okay, i like stuff and still want to be 'smart.'

when i awake at 5:50am by 4pm I am really tired. anyway, i feel like a bum when I work, becuase when i get back form work i am drained and find it hard to do other stuff. rode my bike yesterday to defeat my groginess. so i still have not played guitar in tandem with jeff for sometime, soon? soda crackers (saltines) with butter are really tasty.

need to play more guitar.
but i was thinking today, when is the last time that i asked myself WWTD, What Would (mike) Tyson Do?
or how i want to make more contractions in the 'merikan language.

but really, i need to jam more.

hung with onur today, people have been giving me slack about living with 7 people next year. i desire the cleanliness that derives from exercise. rode bikes today. learned that laura made out with mike lorr, really really strange. i might go camping tomorrow, prayers for Danielle and my mom who are bothing have medical stuff tomorrow. money still can suck it sideways, i can't escape the problems that i create from it. rejoice . . .

i just played frisbee, ultimate, and now i am sweaty. traffic makes me mad, with my new work schedule i sit in traffic, bye bye life. as of now, if i could have any super power, i would choose that of teleportation, most people choose invisibility but they are mostly fueled by greed. anywho, tomorrow i pick up Onur from the airport to hang out. then he will be whisked away to never never land the the christoff's. i have acquired some music recently and i like it. don't call me pretty baby.

sometimes its hard to justify the wage i receive in turn for my life, sometimes not, it all depends on where i place the weight. so i am excited about this new adventure, R.M.D, i hope it goes well for both parties.

so we went camping this weekend, we had some tickets in the parking lot, some falling in the water, b farm, etc it was dubbed 'eat fest 2002' and it was FUN. lately i have been discussing with friends, about the a.) stigmas/societal condintioning with platonic relationships between heterosexuals of different genders, b.) maybes, c.) the sometimes contrived nature of hetero relationships, d.) the word terrrorism orginated from 'the reign of terror' during the french revolution.


triceratops oatmeal, ... that's it.

so right now i feel bad, because my friends and I had a plan to go to the WI dells and have a good time, but like mice and men, the best laid plans often go ary. so i don't know what happened, i lost the spunk that i had to go on this adventure. i don't feel bad because it is my fault, i have been told its not my fault, but rather, because i feel for my friends' feelings and how this was going to be an adventure away, away from ties that bind and to see stuff not seen, so in that respect it sucks. and I, the ass, feel. maybe i shouldn't but i do, i do feel bad-ish. i don't really know what else to say.

i stand at work & my neck hurts. i dont do much at work and i haven't been reading alot, so, basically i suck. as before with relationships with females, my buddy b, told me to look at the relationship with my sister and how it grows etc, w/o this hetero magnet thing, i guess that works but she is my sister. right now i dont ever want a real job, like most. i am going to brush my teeth now.

i just wrote a bunch of crap and it didn;t publish. phooey. i am sweaty, i was talking about standing, disconnectedness, and shaving hairy backs.