i think i have ADD.

I am coming home thursday night, i haven't been home since september. two tests to go. maybe, if i am lucky I might get to write two papers over break. right now i am listening to the descendents and I have been up for about a .5 hour, early.

study study study
is all i am doing (kinda) If i was a real student always it would be whack. Three tests this week, blah blah. I have been studying a bit hanging out a bit. I went to Wabash College this weekend, it was fun, yesterday till today i was in a bed for about 15 hours. However i didnt sleep in excess. ummm, going to study now.

looking into the water,
all we see is reflections.

all we want is redemption.

all i want is gone.

i have been more student lately. writing and reading etc.
----

the sun shines every morning.

then i get defensive, which includes thoughts, often racing. i remain tacit.

tonight i said something not important.
tomorrow i will do the same.
I did it yesterday as well.

i would like to say ouch, or just cower when confronted. but to be honest i have no good explanation. but when confronted i do question my nature, unfortunately i dont think i know exactly what it is i should be thinking about or saying.

.

el mensajero no esta importante. me gusta mucho esta frase, no se porque pero me gusta mucho. cuando esta frase esta dicho, tiene un sonido muy bonita o algo como asi. Y por eso voy a continuar diciendo esta frase.

i have been writing seemingly without stopping about trees and forest ecology. yee haw. in fact double yee haw. i am doing fine, perhaps still on auto-pilot.

last week a really cool guy, tom sullivan, died. I hadn't thought about him much recently . i hadn't seen him much since college started. but in that year of working with him, i became sure he was a seriously cool guy. so now i think about that. and how i should be that cool, to do something to help. i didn't know him as well as others, so i can only imagine what they feel like, those who were his 'kids'
out. then i think maybe i am not allowed to have these thougts, since i haven't seen him for awhile. but then i know that is dumb.

talking about raves in canyons and the divergence of hippies.

had a party at the house this weekend, had some friends down.
'this is the best party ever' - onur armagan.

i want a sequel to the affair from before,
to draw tight the drawstrings from earlier.
I want to be released through the action of taughtness.
then I want many things.