just spent a week at home.
it was nice.
thanksgiving stuff.

i think.

the game engages.
i don't want to win,
because i don't want the end.

its fun until the harvest.
"tag".
timing is everything,
i release my grin.

My voice has a quiver.
A quiver is where you keep arrows until you shoot them.
--Jim Carroll, "The Child Within"

i know but i dont.
but is this too my advatange of theirs?

so hetero.
i get stuck. i need to be me, but i want something else to cling onto. or just something that makes me feel like i am doing something even though i'm not: social security. but, whatever. i mean people typically equate to learning and i say that i am into that. but effort. i mean effort. effort is hard to gauge when i am looking for an ending that i cant describe. maybe its that i just cant wait. i don't know.

hmm. school. life. learning.
Sometimes I wish I was a better student, because eventually that would lead me to that height of intelligence that I currently want. Sometime I just float too much. With finite time I want infinite knowledge.

today was a yin-yang.

I stand erect.
Will you make me bend?
I don't know.

Going to go forward,
Let's hope you have an excuse.

Fade to green, your compliment.
Either way is full of lament.
Spring loaded step.
Thoughts hide why I wept.

Illuminate the rust.
Its only me I can trust.

inhale.
lie awake.
think.
exhale.

let's not begin.
hide your grin.

If we're risk averse,
our lives can't help but be terse.

I venture past the reference.
I am still waiting for you to finish the sentence.

There is going to be an asking,
funny how we need to mask it.

forefinger and foreclosure,
why wait until you're sure?

I just want to be forthright.

the weather again is 'nice'
and this brings with it hope.
unlike the vacuum sometimes associated with the cold.
but its all relative.
today, right now, is hope
or maybe just naive admiration.

"Understanding has been replaced by the mechanics of memory."

what am i so afraid of?
what is there really to fear,
nothing is unsurmountable.

the weather is fantastic and I got a great letter from todd today.

yay!

thought i knew.
i did in the daylight.
felt bad for having feelings.
she has already acted.

honesty even after a lie feels good.
everybody lies all the time.
where do i draw the line.

a line in sand,
if you reach over i am afraid i won't take your hand.
i want that link,
but its weathered and weak.
if i try to balance,
i'll be the mute and you the speech.

my mind makes circles.

its a closed track.
then it shifts, not going back.