sunshine drip drops.
clock tick tocks.
time goes nowhere.
sometimes.
crash crash
boom boom.
nevertheless,
I am smiling.
neverthemore,
I am smiling.
it may be behind an iron face,
its there.

sometimes i just got hung up when i dont get everythhing out. i dwell. i dont expect the same in return, i really dont. sometimes i just forget what i expect or dont. so then i dwell. its going.

today at work I slept in a van and read a chapter in a textbook. and i got paid.

i got you a present. i'll wait until then to give it to you.

i check my email like a burn victim pressing the button for more morphine, only I find no solace as the machine and wires check for "electronic-faceless thinking of yous." I suppose just like a person with charred flesh and singed hair, my need to press the button will too recede.

why bother? its gonna hurt me.

a note on culture. we all want to experience alot of things and may even have expectations about these. we can't experience everything first hand. we use culture to assimilate the most we can about that in which we do not experience personally. we all want something always, we can't have it all. how do we decide, then, what to do, which things to experience. and what to abandon?

its hard tending to the garden, when you know the hail storm will destroy it.

am 1 , 2 , or 3.
you decide. so will i.
thats why things are fine.

here i go again.

scare ( P ) Pronunciation Key (skâr)
v. scared, scar·ing, scares
v. tr.
To strike with sudden fear; alarm.
v. intr.
To become frightened: a child who scares easily.
n.
A condition or sensation of sudden fear.
A general state of alarm; a panic: a bomb scare that necessitated evacuating the building.
adj.
Serving or intended to frighten people: scare stories; scare tactics.

i am reading the catcher in the rye for the first time and I am liking it. I need some other books, suggestions?