Wednesday, August 28, 2002

i am now at school. overwhelmed, a little like always. and people, me. i live with the crickets. I have been once again deluged with feelings for someone who is amazing, yet these will just ferment for now, more than likely, forever for fear that truth will cut the cord. i also have to come to a conlusion with another (person). I am still feeling 'blah'.

why do we insert all this effort into gf or bf relationship and to an extent put are other relationships on auto?

i miss my friends, or rather have missed them, even when then there, everyone is busy or pretends to be.

miss me tonight.

Saturday, August 17, 2002

send me an angel.

Wednesday, August 14, 2002

tonite, we watched 'the man who was never there' it was a decent flick and then part of the movie 'trekkies'. In the midst of this we payed charlie to eat a part of a habanero pepper, we laughed, while his mouthed burned and his insides gurgled. i was excited before to go to school, but now I am a little aprehensive. 2 more days of work at the hotel. will you be my friend? this, i think, will be my tagline for meeting new people, or perhaps, instead I will say something to th effect ' do you like nirvana and pearl jam, 'cuz they wail' yeah, so I am loser, I was looking up tourdates for the casket lottery, cursive, etc for the upcoming year, I just haven't been going to concerts and to a degree this is not troublesome.

yup. goals, however pipedreamish or not, seem to not get accomplished.

a fence was on my car this morning.

Monday, August 12, 2002

sometimes it seems like I am the one that has to make the effort, well at least in some of my relationships. & i have somewhat become tired of this task. the reason: well, because it makes me think if this person doesn't have the energy to want to contact me w/o I being the leader, then i say to you 'you're number one (through body language)' and forget 'it'. basically i am looking for recipricocity, which i think is warranted.


just a sparkle in the sun.
i don't know why she cries.
it seems we're always on the run.
from the secrets in our lives.

a flutterance of joy.
costumed in a parade.
the light still shimmers,
through the window in a telephone booth.

I am making that important call,
i was told to make it.
now that time has come,
i'd rather just forget. (than forgive)

10 months and still no sign.
better off this way, is my lie.
yet i still create and destroy.
the tinkerings of man, not a boy.

Saturday, August 10, 2002

i don't think I'll be bragging, when I talk to someone and they cry. Why, I am not really sure? So, do I feel the distance between, my friends and I, yes, is it really there? I don't know but I am not sure that matters when I perceive that it is there. I feel kind of lump on a luggish and want to escape from this, but not really sure if escape is that right word. I just need to be stronger in my convictions and be happy with the path that I choose. until then.

Wednesday, August 07, 2002

summer is wastin' away, when this occurs, i wish i wasn't working and that my summer had been more punk rock.

so, i have 6 more days to work. kind of wish it was zero. but i am alright, gotta get ready for the real world.

i want to play more music, alas, it may happen.

Tuesday, August 06, 2002

right now, i am having mixed emotions about this upcoming school year and the things associated with it.

shooting star: I'm the witness.
shooting star: can't dismiss this.

Sunday, August 04, 2002

i have just completed the novel, the savage girl, it was a good read, a recomendation from my friend jeff. i have started another book. currently, as of now, I am located in the state of wisconsin. I am at my grandfather's house, which situated on a wonderful, green farm. yes, i will, i'll stop picking it, or at least i'll try.

-they exit elevator #2, on the 7th floor heading west.-

"between you and me, you have to lend me three bucks for a pack of cigarettes" "all i got is is 23 cents" "well then you have to get me three bucks" " i don't think that is possible"