Sunday, February 11, 2007

My acceptance average is 67%

So I didn’t get in to davis. Which means no PhD program next year or maybe ever? Not that I knew what I wanted to do, which is something that should have been in my quiver before I aimed at this program. Sure I wasn’t necessarily “ready”, but who likes to be rejected? I may have set myself up to fail, applying to the number one department in the country, it makes one feel better that many others got rejected too. It just sounded like it could have been such an adventure, not that I’d place all or very many of my apples in this basket, I remained wholly pessimistic throughout. I can have adventure elsewhere too, but with a PhD I could have been that dude that everyone thinks is the commander.

I’d like to abstract everything and say that it is all guesswork and then certain goals and such can feel less important. More than goals it’s a time frame, in science a “time horizon,” in which to complete said goals. It’s very easy to become enveloped into the mindset of I need to do this, this, this and this by then, in that order. Otherwise sometimes I feel like I am just waiting – like the present it just the intermediary to it, it being the time and place when I don’t feel like I am waiting but I am doing.

So now what: worker, parasite, party, other?


Piglet said...

well, there are still a lot of options for you! of course getting rejected is never a good feeling but i guess you'll never know if it isn't a better thing not to go there after all...this just opens up a lot of other pathways that you wouldn't have taken otherwise, you know?

todd said...

yes, a celebration. that is always good. you can go anywhere from here. i would say go to Brixies.

Sorry about the school stuff. Just because it is not now dosen't mean never. You are on your path no matter what.

DrIK said...

Fuck this shit, I think I am almost ready to go blue-collar.

zirafa said...

I vote for party!

RE: Waiting vs. Doing. Definitely can relate. But don't let the present/past get you down - our lives are holistic. anything is possible and everything can change in an instant, even if it feels like you are spinning your wheels at the moment.