in la la land thinking about how i want the boom booms to pay may way.

so far my graduate school work has been given "b's". and people tell me i have poor writing. hmmm, if only my head wasnt in the clouds. or whatever.

eh,

its cold here.
i used to be a good student.

i am 85.57% sure that i will leave ohio within the next 6 months.

i had a great halloween.
good costume.
good times.
kristin got a in a fight.

here are a few pics from the party, however there are many more to see:
https://netfiles.uiuc.edu/pink/www/halloweenweb/index.htm

i voted today,.
i lost my wallet today.

go me.

everything is so blah to me here. but i cant rectify yet b/c i don't know how to fix it. escape is never the safest way, but maybe i should stop being a "safety pants."

today:
-i was an idiot to her.
-someone let the air out of my tires
-i didnt sound intelligent at ad hoc lab meeting
-forgot my stuff at lab had to go back.
-almost (so close) got hit by a car, still have a headache
-microsoft word shut down on my three time, i am not good at saving
-stubbed my toe
-cut myself shaving
-cut my foot on my speaker

and the days not over yet.

addicted to fossil fuels
so, just moments ago a jeep ran a redlight and stopped just before hitting my car/me at the drivers door. i swear, no joke, the jeep was so close that i could touch it if i stuck my hand out the window. my heart dropped and a headache ensued, i still have it. then within minutes more a car ran a stop sign and once again my brakes were applied and disater averted, but for how long?

i need to get a helmet for bike riding.

its scary.

ups and downs.

i wish i had a biorhythms book to look at right now, to explain the way i have been feeling. even though i dont believe in them, it might have been fun to have a lame excuse. does anyone like to fuck up? probably not, they only redeeming quality i can think of is that it will save you from doing it again and not feeling like you fucked up for the same thing again. iguess i need to remember that you're going to get wet.

i have a lot of school work to do. thinking that iam doing my best to live within the system.
if this was a "brave new world" i'd just take some soma. but you know what, that would suck. i wouldnt give up this reality. i'd just wish it was easier to be "perfect."

i'm sorry, i was wrong-headed.
i make mountains of nothing thinking its going to do something good, but it all does is make me feel like an asshole and in retrospect all i can think, is why did you do that? you know it wasnt a deal at all, its like for this tiny period, i lose my sense and end up being a dick which right before or after i know i am. then i get sick to my stomach and head, knowing the stupidity of it. i then i always am afraid that an argument equals the end, which it doesnt. but i feel like it might and then i clammer and get sweaty and poop alot. arguments are bound to happen if they didnt then somehting is off too, straight lines circle sometimes. so i am determined to grow into a better person from such situations, it scucks to be wrong when it hurts others though.

on a lighter note, poking throught the grey cloud i created, i am excited for halloween. this should be the best costume i have ever had. juxtaposed to my usual torn up dirtied clothes that i used to fancy.

so many things running through my head.